Oh Alice
by AlicePokerFaceCullen
Summary: Alice and her family go through everyday life. Pranks, and violence included. This all proves... never mess with Alice! Very short stories. Not even a page long. Every chapter is a story.
1. Pool Time

**This is for the enjoyment of me... and it is rather funny. A lot of short stories that include brother and sister fights, pranks, and much more. These will be very short... like you don't even have to scroll down...**

**Today's Story:**

**_Pool Time with Edward, Bella, and Alice_**

**APOV**

Edward and I discovered a pool. The people that owned it were on vacation so I dragged Bella and Edward there to go swiming. It was great, cool water against our cool skin, so it felt like nothing. Edward was in his bathing suit trunks sitting on the ladder with his feet in the water. Bella and I were fooling around and i dragged her underwater. To bad she is human because i had to let her go for air. Bella got bored and soon sat in a tube folating with me just enjoying myself swimming around.

"Alice i'm going to laugh when you get all wrinkled." Edward says smiling. I glare at him. "Edward I can't wrinkle. FYI I'm young and beautiful unlike you." He gasps. "Yeah if you consider 123 years old young. And my hair complete's me!" I smirk and head towards the ladder to leave the pool. "Edward move!" He shakes his head as i start climbing up the ladder and puts a hand on my head pushing me back into the water. I look up at him with big sad eyes and talk in a baby voice "Eddie-poo not funny" He chuckles as i climb up the ladder again. Again he pushes me off and i talk in a baby voice, "Eddie- poo not funny" Bella watches us laughing. "Edward let her up!" "Ok ok" He says as i start climbing up again and again he pushes me off. I finally speak in a deamon voice. "Eddie- poo not funny! Eddie- poo die!" "What..." I grab his hand and pull him in the water. He screams "BELLA CODE YELLPOW! GET THE HAIR GEL AND COMB!" She laughs and ruffles his hair after floating towards up. "Nope" I laugh as he panics. "MY HAIR!" "That's what you get for messing with me... Eddie-poo" I say as i get out of the pool.

**Suckish one i know. but hey they are... mega short stories and kinda funny. Enjoy!**


	2. Splat

Today's short story:

**_Frisbee gone wrong_**

**APOV**

Today was a beautiful day out. Jasper and I were bored so we started to play mega frisbee. Letting the disc fly across the house to the other side. Jasper though, got destracted by a deer and the frisbee landed on the house and before he could do anything...

"I GOT IT!" I scream and climb up the side of the house grabbing the disc. "I GOT IT JAZZY" I scream hopping up and down while waving it in the air. He chuckles and i slip falling off the house face first onto the ground not moving. "Alice?" Jasper grabs a stick and pokes me. "Alice? Are you ok?" He keeps poking me and turns around to get Carlisle. I stand up "IM OK! I GOT IT JAZZY!" He turns around staring at me. "Stupid twit" he ruffles my hair. "JASPER! THAT'S MY HAIR" I quickly fix it. "You know... you're annoying." I nod "But you still love me!" "Do i have any other choice?" "Nope!"

**I told you these stories are short. Crappy and short but trust me. This next one... hysterical.**


	3. LOVEly Revenge

**Today's short story: Jasper gets revenge**

**APOV**

"Alice i get the deer's eyeball this time ok!" Jasper was going on and on about how he want's the eyeball. See To make hunting easier, Carlisle got a big pen and put deer in it. "Don't worry I don't even like the eyeball" I say lieing. "Pinkie promise?" He holds out his pinkie. I had my hand behind my back crossing my fingers as i wrapped my pinkie around his and went on my toes kissing him softly. "C'mon let's go eat" He says walks off outside to catch the last deer in the pen. I follow him and together we bring down the deer. Emmett soon joins us and when both of them arent looking, i suck the blood out of the eyeballs. Finally Jasper notices. "WHO ATE THE EYEBALL!" He screams "Wasn't me man!" Emmett says backing away as i look up, a drop of blood rolling down the corner of my mouth. "Alice..." "Yes?" "Did you-" "NO!" I blur off back into the house locking myself into our room.

**_Later That Day..._**

"Emmett are you done in the bathroom!" I hear Rosalie call out. "Nope!" She groans and i slip in her room through her window finding her on her bed laying down. "Alice... Hi" "Heyy Rosey" "sorry i thought you were Edward..." "It's fine. So whatchya doing?" I sit on the edge of her bed. She looks down. "You probably saw it already." I shake my head. "Hey Rose... I need to tell you something." She looks up at me. "I'm done with Jasper... I want you!" I lean over so my face is close to her's. "Some personal space Alice!"She pushes past me standing up as i watch her and shake my head. "Why am i in your room?" I look at her. She groans and sticks her head out the window. "NOT FUNNY JASPER!" I watch her. "What?" She rolls her eyes and points to the window. "out!" I sigh and slip out of the window hearing Jasper laugh.

**lovely...**


	4. Never call a girl fat

**Hey kids! It's fun time with Alice Cullen again! Today's story:**

_**Never call me fat**_

**APOV**

Bella was stuc with Esme cleanign the Cullen house, sadly, so i wasn't able to go shopping with her. Instead i brought Edward with me. "Edward what do you think of this dress?" He looks me up and down as i step out of the changing rooms. "erm... it's good." "Good? and why did you say Erm?" "Well i think you need the next side up..." "Are you calling me fat..." I narrow my eyes at him. "uh..." I growl at him and blur back in the changing room, coming out in seconds. "Run boy." His eyes widen and we blur out of the store, me chasing him. "DUMB ASS YOU NEVER CALL ME FAT!" "I'M SORRY!" He crashes through the door and i tackle him to the ground. He pushes me off and i blur at him to rip his head off. "HEY! WAIT!" We look up and Bella pulls me away from Edward. "What happened!" "He... called... me... FAT!" our gaze switches to Edward. "oh... well... resume then" "WHAT?" Edward looks at bella shocked and bella moves out of the way. I run to the kitchen grabbing a handful of plates, looking for edward who was hiding behind a chair against a wall. He peeks his head over aand i chuck the plate at his head, it crashes against the wall. "HOW" *CRASH* "DARE" *CRASH* "YOU CALL ME!" *CRASH* "FAT!" "I'm sorry!" I tackle him snarling

_Due to what I had done to Edward, i have chosen not to write what happens within those 5 min... because little kids read this story._

**5 min later**

I sit on the couch, on my legs, playing with a rubix cube in my hand. Bella walks into the living room. "Alice?" I look up. "Hmm?" "Where's Edward..." I look over to a dark corner in the room, where Edward sits in fetal position, rocking back and forth, his hands in a death grip on his head, his eyes wide, his clothes ripped and torn. He mumbles things to himself. Bella follows my gaze then looks back at me. "Never mind..." She turns around and walks upstairs. I continue to play with the rubix cube. "Damn thin-" I look up as Edward begind to stand up. "SIT YOUR ASS DOWN!" I scream, pointing a finger at him. He screams resuming fetal position, shivering as he rocks back and forth. "I'M SORRY! I'M SORRY! I'M SORRY!" He screams as I smirk. "Never call a girl fat Edward..."


	5. Emmett's prank

**Hey kids! Today's story-**

_**Emmett's prank**_

_**Emmett's POV**_

"Jasper c'mon!" Jasper and I were the only one's in the house... I gave him a video camera because we were playing a prank on Alice. "What if she finds out!" Jasper mutters "Jasper she's not going to find out! She's in her yogo class or something" I hrumble as we go into his and Alice's room. "Found her wallet." I mutter and open it taking about 5 credit cards out. "My god how many credit cards does she have" I mutter as i take her money also and put it in my hoodie pocket. "Jasper come on!" We run out of her room and Jasper closes her door

The video camera was faced to show us on the couch and the doorway where Alice enters. "You know you'd think she would have seen this coming" I mutter as we sit on the couch acting natural. "I know... maybe she's getting old""Yeah maybe" We chuckle. "I'M HOMMMME!" Alice calls out walking in the house. "I'm going shopping!" She says going to her room grabbing her purse and wallet. "By Jazzy!" She says sweetly. "Bye Emmett." She says rather harshly.

_30 seconds later_

"EMMETT!" Jasper panicks "I'm outta here!" "NO MAN YOU CAN'T LEAVE ME HERE WITH HER!" Jasper backs off grabbing the camera facing it on Alice and me. "EMMETT! DID YOU TAKE MY CREDIT CARDS!" "NO WHAT CREDIT CARDS AHHH ALICE NO ALICE STOP OW ALICE!" she starts kicking me after i fall on the ground

**2 min after kicking...**

"OK OK OK I TOOK THEM I TOOK THEM" She smirks "Haha this is kinda funny" Jasper mutter. "what? TURN IT OFF!" i scream at Jasper. and the camera shuts down.


	6. Happy birthday Bella! gone wrong

Hey kids it's another story with Alice!

**BPOV**

"So that was um... that was really unnecessary... What you did" Edward mumbled as we walked into the school building to my locker.

"What?" I looked up at him confused as i looked through my bag for the code to the lock on my locker. I could never remember the code...

He sighs and switches his voice to a high pitched girl voice. "Um HELLO BICEPS" See about five min before, ya know before you came along and i had to tell you this story... Edward didn't get me any presents so i got seriously mad, then Jacob black walks into the parking lot wishing me a happy birthday and he was like ripped. So i screamed "HELLO BICEPS"

He switched his voice back to normal and continued going on about something. "Thats... thats like if i saw my ex girlfriend and i was like WOAH you have a nice butt!"

"Alright, shut up shut up your fine" I mumbled. I really did not want to deal with Edward and his girly side. I grabbed a few books out of my locker.

"So why does Jacob Black get to give you presents and i don't-" Edward began but i cut him off.

"No... No! The better question is, at vampire parties do they like, serve shots of Blood, like little..?" I looked up at edward who glared at me. "No... bad stupid.. bad..."

"Bella!" Edward and i looked around at who called me and a locker opened up... with Alice sliding out of it, a present in her hands.

"Why is she in the..." I looked up at edward for answers.

"She's just..."

"happy birthday!" Alice ran over to me hugging me tight.

"I know right!" she pulled away handing me the box. "Ahh presents!" I took it and hit Edward's chest with it. "Ya see!" I glared at him "See that."

"I've already seen you open it and guess what. You love it! You're gonna where it tonight, our place."

"Hot potatoe!" I threw the box in Edward's direction and he catches it, stumbling backwards. "So who else is coming to this... Bella Bash?" I grined. Alice and Edward exchanged a glance, and Alice gave him a wide eyed look as if saying -what do i tell her!-

"its..." She began

"It's just your family isn't it... no one else" I mumbled.

"Well... it's... um..."

"Alice! do i have to be here!" Jasper yells at her from a few yards behind her. The freaking guy is so quiet i didn't know he was there. "Honestly! Al!"

"What? Yes! You still have to come here" Alice and Jasper started yelling at each other.

"I don't go into town, people don't see me, outside of this stupid school"

"Yes..." Alice mumbled trying to tell him something. I tried hiding a few smiles

"I look way older then everyone here, we don't have classes together" He continues

"Jasper, yes, go away!"

"I want to KILL everything here! It sucks! This sucks!" He looks at her all tense.

"Jasper you still have to come here..."

"You know this is making me like you a little less."

"Stop it, jasper, quit bugging me!"

He stomps his foot down. "Whatever! I don't even give a crap!" He turns around and starts walking off.

Alice turns to me "I'll see you at Seven!" She did that little, hop skip and a squeak before turning and running off after him screaming "No! Jasper! Humans are friends! NOT FOOD!"

I laughed watching them go as Edward scratched behind his neck.

"well that went well..." He mumbles


End file.
